Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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