I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
