Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
