So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
