i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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