Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
