Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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