somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
