Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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