I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
