I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
then he tried to convert me to islam
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
