Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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