don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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