The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she told me i tasted like america
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
