He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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