While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
