Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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