1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
