You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
