I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We need to rekindle our bromance
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
