i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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