I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
