Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
