Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize