My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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