Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
