I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
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The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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