Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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