Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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