I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
