Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
