Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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