She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
pray to the hookup gods
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
