My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
