so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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