I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
