She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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