i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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