Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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