I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
