dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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