I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
