I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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