Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I believe in your delicious
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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