I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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