I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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