Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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