Small penises have feelings too.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
