Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
