my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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