Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
