after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
