The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
