Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
