You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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