sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
