You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
