The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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