My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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