You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
