So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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