there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
