I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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