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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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