saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She even gives head with a lisp.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
