I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
