youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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