remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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