You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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